My name’s Lauren, and i just read Solitaire. It made me feel like… i don’t know. It’s ok that you’re alone, just let people you love in sometimes. I don’t think i’m articulating that properly, but I’ve been going through a depression and your book just made me feel good. So, thanks!
And thank you. I really appreciate that you took the time to let me know, and I’m very glad that the book helped in any way.
I think the notion of alone has become so scary in our culture that people don’t really think about what it means. But alone isn’t an on/off switch. Part of the reason I wrote Solitaire was to explore what alone means to me, because I think that we are all alone inside our own skin regardless of our love life or family dynamic or social circle. And yes, I think that’s okay. I think that the whole spectrum is necessary to have a full human experience. There are things that we can only learn, do, be with other people; and there are things we can only learn, do, be with ourselves.
I can be lonely with other people. I can be all by myself and feel like the world in my head and heart are the best possible place that any human could be at that moment. Being afraid makes me feel alone even if I’m surrounded by people who love me. Those people help me look at my fear from a place of relative safety, and help me understand it better sometimes. If I can’t face my fear, then people I love carry me until I can. But I still have to face it and overcome it on my own. I’m ultimately responsible for that. Every choice I make is mine, even the ones that work out badly. If that isn’t alone, I don’t know what is. It can be frightening and debilitating beyond belief. But it is also the source of so much power…. *shakes head*. This is one of the Big Questions, and I’m still working on it.
I do know that the power of being alone only ever really comes into its full strength when one who is able to be alone is also able to connect with others. Love matters. And the real power is not being able to get love, it’s being able to give it. Part of giving love is letting other people in. Other people don’t get inside us because they love us — they get inside us because we love them. Isn’t it a funny old world?
I hope you’re feeling better every day.
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If you’d like to start a conversation, please follow Lauren’s lead and use the Talk to Me link on the sidebar.
This is interesting for me to read. Mostly, I would say, because of the fact that I am realizing this on my own terms as I write this. I feel alone every day and people often criticize that notion of “being alone in a room of people” but I think that one of the best ways to grow is to embrace being alone.
If you can’t look at yourself wholly and happily when you are alone, I feel like you’re wasting so much self-realization and potential for greater things that often come of exploration of your motivations, thoughts and feelings.
Lauren experiences what we all know as feeling alone. The dread of I am all alone, but she may also want to explore feelings of courage because that is what she is. Lauren reached out to Kelley (hey, I like your book) and Kelley (most lovingly) reached back. (Hey, thanks for telling me. . .)
Now, how is it we are alone?