If the song fits

It’s 4:45 AM and this is what I’m listening to. Make of it what you will.


Click here if you can’t see the player

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7:17. Here’s where I am now:


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It’s not really as dire as it all sounds. Just a little creative rage. I’ll keep updating, we’ll see where it goes.

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7:57.


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8:53. I’ve always liked this album, especially the songs that never made it to the radio. And today is definitely not a day for wasting time…

But now it’s time for breakfast, during which I will not get all Billy Idolesque on my sweetie, who is being the most patient woman on earth with me the last few days.


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11:08. Current process = get stuck; play something loud; write; repeat.


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4:40. Back to work after a long break to eat lunch with my sweetie, shop, cook bolognese sauce, and chill the champagne.

Today has been, of course, all about my relationship with my writing. Thanks for listening. Whatever you’re doing tonight, whatever you’re connecting with, I hope it is happy.


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Song of my Sunday

All the world that I can see from my office is covered in snow, framed by icicles on the overhang outside the window. It’s cold, it’s quiet and still, the sky is half-blue and half-more-snow.

Today I am many things, but mostly I am lucky. I have food in the house and a house to keep the food in. I’m warm in here. I have health insurance that just paid for half the medication I’m taking because I’m still coughing 6 weeks after being sick. I have a new business that I suspect will struggle for a long time before it takes off, but I have (perhaps absurd) faith in the integrity and goodness of it, and I believe that it will reach people and help them. I am worried about finding paid work in the meantime.

There’s a lot going on.

So what am I doing? I am working on my screenplay all day today in a grand gesture of thank you to the beautiful day and fuck you to the people who say that female-driven movies can’t get greenlit, to the search for paid work, and the many frightening things in the wider world. Because writing this movie makes me most happy, and today being most happy is more important than being stressed or realistic or responsible. I am having enormous fun. And I am listening to this.

My advice is to turn it up loud.

Click here if you can’t access the player.

Writing sex

Thanks to Gwenda for pointing out this post by Marianna Baer about sex scenes in young adult novels. It’s the most thoughtful consideration I’ve seen of writing sex scenes at all, not just in YA fiction (and if anyone knows of other good posts on the topic, please share).

These issues come into play for me particularly when writing the Mars stories, and I’m also thinking about writing sex in screenplays, and when I write my own YA novel there will definitely be sex (because it’s such a force in adolescence whether you’re actually having it or not). I don’t the brain bandwidth to be thoughtful about it myself today, but it’s mulching in my brain along with everything else.

[And with the word “sex” in the title and about ten other times in this post, I’m bound to get a whole new category of search engine hits (grin). The monthly keyword search post for November is coming soon.]

City Life

I’ve been dancing with your spam filter for some unknown reason…hopefully, this will go through, and hopefully you haven’t been copied this five times over. : D

Yours are among my few most beloved, formative books and stories, inspiring in my writing and my life. My experience of Solitaire‘s climaxes is imprinted thoroughly in my mind, and I am so grateful for it.

Is “The Hum of Human Cities” available outside of (the scarce, grr-expensive) Pulphouse 9 / are you planning to republish it? I thought it best to ask you, conveniently giving me an excuse to attack you with fan-mail. : )

Adrian


Hello, Adrian, and thank you for being stubborn with the form. You’re not the first person to have trouble. I have to get a different plug-in. In the meantime, if anyone wants to start a conversation here and has trouble with the form, please feel free to email me at contact at kelleyeskridge dot com (although I don’t know why I bother to stretch the address, the spammers-boils-be-upon-them found me long ago). Please say that you are submitting a “Talk To Me” post if you use email.

Thank you so much for these kind words, I’m honored. It is always my hope as a writer to touch other human beings in some way with my work, to make a connection… it means a lot to me when someone takes the time to tell me that has happened.

“The Hum of Human Cities” is indeed available in my recent collection Dangerous Space, under its original title “City Life.” It was my first sale (wow, what a feeling that was…). Kris Rusch, the editor of Pulphouse (bows in Kris’ direction in gratitude), didn’t like the title. So I found “Hum,” and like it well enough, but I’ve never stopped thinking of the story as “City Life.” I can be pretty stubborn myself sometimes (grin). So I returned to that title for the collection.

I don’t know if you’ve read all my stories: if not, there are three free here on the site: “Strings”, “And Salome Danced“, and “Dangerous Space“.

Fan mail is never an attack. Come back anytime.

Decidedly queer

Nicola and I have posted our latest essay, “War Machine, Time Machine,” in which we discuss speculative fiction, tell a few outrageous true stories about writing and publishing, ponder a new definition of “queer writing,” introduce our household term “quiltbag” and have some fun with footnotes.

The essay is published in Queer Universes. and reprinted here because we put it in our contract that way, which detail I share because there are so many writers out there who don’t seem to realize that you can do that if you want. Well, you can!

Let us know what you think.

Shooing the plot

Just wanted to say I enjoyed reading Solitaire. It kept me entertained with an intriguing plotline that led to a satisfying ending. The writing style really drew me into the story. I appreciate a book that gives elaborate yet consistent descriptions of its imaginary locales, and Solitaire delivered beautifully with its portrayals of Ko Island and NNA Zone 17.

I especially liked the subtle humor sprinkled throughout the novel. I got a kick out of the map-dispensing pillar that mixed courtesy with dire warnings about failure to recycle. The rejection e-mail from the art gallery was a scream. My favorite character (after Frankenbear of course) was Crichton. She really had a way with words (“He’s not talking to me”).

I winced at this depiction of the Garbo team: “All of them except the designer were typical R&D types — blindingly smart, highly verbal, suspicious of non-technical language, critical of new ideas, desperate for credit, and terminally rude.” Ouch! Does that describe the R&D staff at Wizards of the Coast?

Just a few criticisms. First, the basic premise was really hard to believe: that a world government would choose its future leaders based on the second they were born. Civilizations have been known to choose their chiefs in some pretty bizarre ways, but that way takes the prize for sheer irrelevance and lack of enforceability. Perhaps some further background on the history of EarthGov’s formation would help.

Why is Ko Island so cold in the winter that people put on a hundred layers of clothes and drink hot soup all the time? It’s close to Hong Kong, so it should have the same subtropical climate.

I didn’t quite understand Tiger’s behavior on Halloween and afterward. Presumably he knew about Jackal and Snow, and he was their web mate, so his actions seemed rather odd. Maybe a little more development of Tiger’s character would help.

The events at Mirabile really strained credibility, even allowing for the numerous coincidences involved. Why would the elevator control console have a “disengage backup system” command that instantly lets all three elevators drop? Backup brakes for an elevator ought to remain engaged until manually disengaged. Why did the second attendant leave the room? What eventually happened to the two attendants? “One … had been found dead; the other, not at all.” Did Ko executives have them iced or something?

Despite these issues, I enjoyed the book a lot. I look forward to your next novel. In the meantime, maybe I’ll check out some of Nicola’s writings. Do you have a favorite work of hers that you’d recommend?

Steve


Hi, Steve, and I apologize about 400 times, one for every day your email went unread (aside to the rest of the internet — yep, Steve’s message found its way into a corner of my computer and I only just discovered it a couple weeks ago. And we went to high school together, so it’s not like I’m just any old rude person, I’m a rude person he actually knows. Color me embarrassed.)

I’m glad you liked Solitaire overall, although I do get a chuckle from the idea that the plotline works at any point. Plot is not my strength; really I just want to wave my hands at it in a particular cliched Southern girl fashion, as if shooing it off into a corner. But I have learned that readers expect it.

Endings, however, are important to me, and I’ve certainly gotten enough grief from people about the “neatly wrapped up ending” that it’s nice to have someone find it satisfying. It satisfies me too, but I’ve never thought of it as neatly wrapped up. Mostly, I think of it as one part of Jackal’s life being irrevocably over… and that’s bittersweet for me, and (I’ve always imagined) for her as well.

And thank you for loving Crichton. I just adore her — all those years of being in and out of her head when I was wrestling with the novel, and when I read Solitaire she still makes me laugh out loud. I’d love to have her as a friend, not just for her charm — it would get old if that was all there was to her — but for her vast intelligence and her absolutely realistic take on things. I think she’s the smartest person in the book, except for maybe Neill. Or maybe it’s just that Crichton doesn’t quite have his experience yet, and one day she will give him a run for his money.

Hah. If there were ever going to be a “sequel” to Solitaire, maybe that would have to be it.

So, you are the first person in all these years who has asked me directly if that sentence about R&D was based on my experience at Wizards. Why, yes, it was, and is as precise a description as I could create of the folks I knew there (I didn’t know them all, so the rest may have been as sweet as pie). The exception was always Richard, the original designer of Magic, who was very nice to deal with, and was so smart that he never had to prove a thing to anyone.

I don’t blame you for arguing with the Hopes premise (shoo, plot, shoo!), although perhaps it wasn’t clear that the Hope was an honorary/PR designation — none of them were growing up to be the presidents of their nations. Jackal was being groomed for behind-the-scenes work in EarthGov, an actual position of power and influence, but still not leadership. The primary purposes of the Hopes was to take up highly visible “feel good” roles on the world stage, to be someone that a citizen of a participating nation could point to as a role model. As the Hopes are successful, so EarthGov takes on a certain credibility and “success” by association. It’s essentially celebrity politics turned about 30 degrees on its head. As carefree as I may be with plot sometimes, even I would not see the actual leaders of the near future world chosen quite so randomly.

The climate of Hong Kong: you’re right, of course, but they do have outlier days in the winter months where temperatures can get down into the 40’s or even 30’s. This may not seem particularly arduous to you, but I gave Jackal my response to cold — and I grew up in Florida, fer gosh sakes. There’s always a few days in Florida where the temperature gets into the 30’s or 40’s, and when I was growing up, whap, the mercury hit the magic number of 49 or below and women would pull out their fur coats and wear them to the gas station, the grocery store, wherever they could, just to get some use out of them.

As you may imagine, the weather at St. Paul’s was a revelation to me. I was cold all the time there.

As for Tiger, we can agree that mileage varies. I don’t need him to be reasonable or rational: young people in love so rarely are, in my experience.

You’re right about the elevator mechanics in Mirabile, that’s an example of me scratching my head and trying to plot. I needed a way for Jackal to directly interact with the crash — a way for her to have some responsibility for what happened. That’s the best I could come up with at the time. One of my writing teachers used to say that the best thing a writer can do when she finds herself on thin ice is move fast and point in the other direction (grin).

If you’re interested, there’s a very long and thoughtful conversation in the comments here about both Tiger and the intersection of accident and responsibility in the Mirabile scene.

As for Nicola’s books, well, read them all (another grin). Try Slow River — it’s an elegant book in both structure and in sheer writing, and there’s a reason it won the Nebula (beams with pride at Nicola through the internet).

Steve, thanks so much for hanging in there! And thanks for the thoughtful response to Solitaire.

Enjoy your day.

Do the work

Do you want to be an artist? Do you want to be novelist, a screenwriter, a director, an actor, a musician? Then I urge you to read this magnificent rant by Karina Meléndez about her experience with wannabes in the prestigious UBC Creative Writing Program. And then please never, never, never do any of those things.

I’ve written before about why I think the professional creative game breaks artists, especially when it can take a long time for a person to come into her art. And I have seen what Karina describes a hundred times in workshops, at parties, on blogs — wannabes who have already bought into some version of Real Artists are Born, not Made. It’s hard, because there are just enough young geniuses out there that when we are learning our art, we almost always run into a couple. They shine early, they get attention and approval, they are special; and they make the rest of us feel inadequate and frightened and desperate to shine as well.

And here is what happens then: the goal for students in programs or workshops becomes not to learn, but to be validated. Because if one has something to learn, well, yeeps, that means you aren’t there, sister, you’re no genius, you’re not a Real Artist. Go drown your inadequacies at the Losers Pub: the rest of us will be here defending our Precious Genius to the death, explaining that people just don’t get how good we really are.

And resisting with all our might the essential qualities of real artists: self-honesty, vulnerability, and a hunger for learning so fierce and relentless that you’ll take a lesson wherever you find it — because real artists make themselves.

There’s a reason that a person’s art is commonly referred to as her work. It’s not coincidence or just a wacky way to use that crazy word. You want to be a real artist? Do the fucking work. Yes, it’s hard, and it can be the most please-just-shoot-me-now combination of frustration and despair and blazing hot I will do this somehow hope that you may ever feel about anything except possibly falling in love; and that’s when you finally learn that art is the way that real artists love themselves.

So what do you want? What’s more important, loving yourself and your art with such fierce passion that you’ll do whatever you must to make both of you better? Or being so frightened of the work and the life that you’ll spend all that energy instead on superstitious behavior, or complaining that no one gets your work, or refusing to be honest, or withholding your support from others. Spend all that precious never-get-it-back energy on trying to make everyone around you see you as a genius. Oh, baby, that’s like trying to make someone say they love you. Making them say it doesn’t make it true.

Shirley Jackson

I just read the post from Venetian Vampire in response to your blog on Oct. 20 about Shirley Jackson. I have always been drawn to her writing and wonder if you care to comment further about her. Thanks either way.


I think Jackson is a wonderful writer. I admire greatly her spareness of language, and the simplicity with which she describes complex, fragile moments between human beings. And she wrote some very shocking things for a mainstream middle-class white woman of her time — “The Lottery” was an absolute scandal, go read the Wikipedia article about it.

I think The Haunting of Hill House is a masterpiece, and I also like We Have Always Lived in the Castle, although that book seems to be more of a particular taste (sort of like artichokes or anchovies, I suppose). It fascinates and delights me that she wrote stories that were so unabashedly strange and frightening and shocking without having to get all bohemian about it. She lived an apparently satisfying life with her husband and kids and all the responsibilities of a 1940’s/50’s wife and mother, and then she went into her room and wrote Hill House… I would love to have had dinner with this woman.

And you know what else I love about Jackson? She was funny. I’m currently reading her essay collection Life Among the Savages, and there ought to be a tea-snorting warning on the book.

Those essays did for me what perhaps these days blogs do for us: they made Jackson human for me. They showed me the woman behind the marvelous creepy words I have loved for so long. I don’t always like what I learn about artists as people: but I like the sound of Jackson, I like the way she feels in her essays. I like her curiosity and her amusement at the wackiness of the world, and her clear love for her husband and children, and her bemusement at the response to her work.

Maybe it’s naive to say that I think she was a cool person, but I do; and maybe it’s evidence of my own lack of literary rigor that it matters to me, but it does. I would still love her work if I didn’t know anything about her: but knowing a bit of her personal life, and liking what I know, enriches the reading experience somehow for me. I don’t know if it works that way for others, but it’s always been like that for me. I’ve always been fascinated by the person behind the words.

I remember reading Hill House for the first time: the absolute confidence of Jackson’s prose, the small details of Eleanor’s life that told me everything about the howling wind that must live inside her, how glad I was when she escaped in the car and made her bid for freedom… and then the absolute horror of watching it all play out. Theo’s lesbian history revealed with nothing ever said about it, masterful writing. That Jackson is brave enough as a writer to show us the haunting but not the ghost. The effortless way she takes us into people’s heads. And the book scared the bejeepers out of me. That was a great afternoon.

You can start your own conversation now or anytime — just use the “Want to talk?” link on the sidebar or email me.

For the gender curious

For those who may be visiting for the first time after hearing my interview on To The Best of Our Knowledge, welcome, and thanks for listening.

I invite you to check out some of the content here that may be of particular interest to you:

Stories
You can read two stories of Mars: “And Salome Danced” (from which I read during the segment), and “Dangerous Space”.

Interviews
Speculating Gender at Ambling Along the Aqueduct — a lengthy interview about gender in life and in fiction.
Reality Break podcast — a lengthy audio interview about the collection Dangerous Space, the character of Mars, my novel Solitaire and my recent experience with screenwriting.

Essays
“Identity and Desire” — the genesis of the Mars character.
“The Erotics of Gender Ambiguity” — an online discussion that took place about “And Salome Danced” and the gender ambiguity of Mars.

And just because I think it’s cool
This story vid created by Karina in response to the story “Strings” (which is included in my collection and which you can read here).

Thanks for stopping by.

Dangerous Space is here

Here is the novella “Dangerous Space,” in PDF format as it appears in the collection.

Please feel free to share it or point people to the link here. You absolutely positively may not republish it on your own site, print it in your anthology, or use it in any way that makes money for you. If you want to do any of that, play nicely and ask my permission.

“Dangerous Space” is about music and love and sex, and the relationship between artist and art, and what happens when we let ourselves and other people into the deep places within us. I am unbearably curious (practically panting) to know how other artists — particularly those who live in the world of indie music — respond to the story.

Enjoy this. I’d love to hear what you think of it.