Today is National Coming Out Day.
I met Nicola in June 1988, and said goodbye to her six weeks later with my world and my life completely changed. I’d talked to people before about the possibility that I was bisexual. I’d had intense emotional friendships with men and women, love affairs with men, crushes on women, and moved in both straight and gay circles in Atlanta where I was living, and everyone wondered what was up with me. Then Nicola came along and rocked my world on every level.
I went back to Atlanta alone and knew I had to do… something. And then I read about National Coming Out Day. There was going to be an NCOD ad in the Atlanta newspaper: anyone could register and put their name on the ad. And so I did.
I’m a private person (really, I am, this blog notwithstanding). I was alone in the South with a lot to sort out and a boatload of sadness. I had survived much of my life by flying under the radar; doing what I needed to do so unobtrusively that people didn’t get in my way. Sending in my name was huge for me: and, being me, I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it. I didn’t seek counsel or talk it out or get support. I just did it.
I was scared. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I thought my name would be in 75-point type on the front page of the paper and my neighbors in the apartment complex would nail dead squirrels to my door. Maybe I just felt revealed. Maybe I thought I would ping someone’s radar in a way that I couldn’t anticipate and might not like. There are all sorts of reasons people are afraid.
On October 11, 1988 — the first ever National Coming Out Day — I opened the newspaper and found my name in the company of hundreds of others. Hundreds. Astonishing. Our names were in about 2-point type; you needed a microscope to read them. No one that I knew ever saw my name there. But I saw it. And it was a great and good thing for me. It made me feel brave, and it made me feel proud.
I look forward to the day when everyone can be out without being afraid or feeling alone. If you came out today — even to yourself — then welcome. You just made a difference. It’s better out here when we’re all here together.
Life would be so much easier if my parents’ love/approval wasn’t so damned conditional.
You have such a beautiful way of expressing yourself Kelley.
I am impressed over and over at the ways you walk through your fears. Truly brave.
I never even knew there was a National Coming Out Day until a few years ago. Where the heck have I been?
It was about 1988 and I was out to friends but still very closeted with my parents. Then I met Jim and my need to publicly profess my undying love and commitment dragged me out of the closet with my family. Initially, there was separation and loss, but ultimately unconditional love prevailed and all is well.
Happy Coming Out Day – I have un-disgruntled myself (re-gruntled? Gruntified?) and life is much better. Glad you had a great day : ).
yay! thanks for this. I had never done anything for NCOD until this year, but have of course observed the Gay High Holy Days of Pride for the past eight years in San Francisco…this is a lesser holiday, but equally important. 🙂 I came out to my classes of community college students yesterday. One said “holla!”