I don’t know the original source of this: someone gave it to me about 30 years ago. Because I know all my readers are good-looking, adventurous, talented, charming and of course incredibly smart — the aptest of the apt — I expect you’ll all get perfect scores!
You may use the comment space for your answers.
Make me proud.
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APTITUDE TEST
Instructions
Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.
History
Describe the history of the papacy from its origin to the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
Medicine
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
Public Speaking
2,500 riot-crazed people with swords are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
Biology
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to the probable effect on the English Parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.
Music
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
Psychology
Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicia, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man’s work.
Sociology
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
Engineering
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed beside your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted into the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.
Economics
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.
Political Science
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.
Epistemology
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.
Physics
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
Philosophy
Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.
General knowledge
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
I would, of course, do this easily. But I didn’t find a piano under my seat, so now I’m feeling cheated and uncooperative. Get me a piano and we’ll talk.
Also, I really think that the Sociology section should come last. It would make the experiment much more accurate and fun. : )
Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies…
🙂
Adrian, thank you for bringing this to my attention. My virtual TA is so fired! You just can’t get good help these days.
Your piano will be shipped via our Transporter Beam and should arrive under your seat shortly. You may wish to not be in your seat at that moment, just in case of any error in transporter coordinates… although you would of course receive extra credit for performing a concerto on a instrument with which you were fused.
Jennifer, is that your answer to the Epistemology question? 🙂
Ha! Yes, but I may need another three hours to answer the other questions. Because I’m still looking for them.
But I’m with Adrian on switching the order of these things some. I was thinking that maybe I’d do the appendix thing last because if I use half the bottle of scotch as antiseptic and the other half as anesthetic, I may not be in shape to deal with that red phone afterwards. And have that TA put me on the list for a piano. Please.
Speaking of questions…. I heard this quote (posed as a question) on a podcast this morning:
“There is only one question: How to love this world.” — Mary Oliver
Take as long as you like to answer. Just remember life is short.
Love ’em! As for
“General knowledge – Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.”
Half my life was spent in a country where conversation was exactly like that.
Piano received, dazzling concerto composed, and all evidence of such composition promptly eaten by my cat. Man, I’m gonna get an F / Incomplete in life now.