Because I can bake

Every once in a while, someone gets an idea that Nicola would be much better off with them instead of what’s-her-name-Eskridge. Fair enough, I guess, although it’s a notion that comes with a built-in disappointment factor of seven million zillion (and about a trillion million zillion if you are a guy). Sometimes, these folks actually think they can get Nicola’s attention by being rude to me: we’ve been in situations where the Hopeful Other, upon being introduced to both of us, looks straight at Nicola with a melty-mouth smile and says, “Oh, I’m so glad that you could make it” — emphasis hers — and then utterly ignores me. Snort. Just so you know, if you do this kind of thing, we laugh at you on the way home.

In fact, here is my best advice to those who would impress my sweetie: if you cannot make Rhubarb Apple Crumble, girlfriend, pack your bags and move your ass out of line.

RHUBARB APPLE CRUMBLE
adapted from a recipe by Lynne Rossetto Kasper

Filling
• 3 cups diced green apples (1/2-inch to 1-inch pieces)
• 3 cups diced rhubarb (fresh or frozen)
• 1 cup white sugar
• Grated zest of 1 small lemon
• Generous pinch of salt
• Generous pinch of ground nutmeg
• 4 tablespoons cornstarch

Topping
• 10 tablespoons unsalted butter at room temperature
• 1/3 cup white sugar
• 1/3 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1 1/2 cups whole wheat pastry flour (spoon into measuring cup and level, don’t scoop it in or pack it down)
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour (also spoon and level)
• Heavy whipping cream (for serving)

1. Butter a shallow 7-cup baking dish.
2. Preheat oven to 350 F.
3. Combine all filling ingredients in a bowl and turn them gently into the baking dish.
4. Using an electric beater, cream the butter, both sugars, salt and vanilla at medium speed until very light and fluffy. Scrape down the sides of the bowl.
5. Combine the two flours and sift half into the butter mixture. Then beat on low for just a few seconds. Don’t overdo it.
6. Work in the rest of the flour into the butter mixture with your hands until large crumbles form. Be gentle, don’t beat, and don’t overmix.
7. Spoon the crumbles over the filling in the baking pan. Don’t pack it down.
8. Bake at 350 on center rack for 45-55 minutes or until topping is golden brown and filling is bubbling.
9. Remove from oven and allow to cool. Serve at room temperature or re-warm gently in oven.
10. Serve with heavy whipping cream to pour on top.

Enjoy.