Thanks to our friend Craig for a lovely evening at Black Bottle last night. I’ve been wanting a night out in the city in a place like this, casual and utterly urban. It was noisy and crowded, so it was hard to talk but the energy of it was like fizz in the air. I liked that our table was near the window, the street so close and so full of other lives passing by while we lived our lives inside with small plates of yummy food, with brandy and orange juice, with grownup conversation. I always say thank you to people who refill my water glass or bring me food, and it was nice that last night it mattered to them that I did, nice to exchange those smiles and be more real to each other for a second or two. And then it was nice to say goodbye to the noise and the rush and the sometimes-overwhelming buzz of other humans close by, to get into our little car and drive home under a slate-blue sky full of clouds that had turned nearly navy blue in some mad trick of atmospherics. To sit by the fire with tea and toast with jam and only each other, in the quiet.
I like it that you say thank you to the servers (and it fits with the personality you project here generally). I do that too. It’s partly because I’m a kitchen worker myself, though not a server, so I always remember that the people who bring my food and pour my water are people. But also, why not say thank you? “To be more real for each other for a second or two” nails it perfectly. It fits, I believe with Samuel Delany’s notion of “contact” as opposed to “networking.” Thank you.
I like people who say “please” and “thank you”. One of our friends makes fun of us because we’re always using those words when we buy food or pay for things or get off the bus. I don’t think I could live in Italy. A week there and I got terribly depressed under the general disdain toward those words/attitudes. Even when I play online multiplayer games, I say “please” and “thank you” and try to maintain a level of politeness when I interact with other players. Most people don’t. I’m glad you do. And for that alone, five more of what my wife calls sexypoints to you.
Duncan, I wasn’t familiar with Delany’s notion of contact, so I went wandering around the internet and found it referenced in this response to Times Square Red, Times Square Blue. It sounds really interesting, and like something I will resonate with. I’ve just put the book on my library list. I’m looking forward to it. Thank you.
Karina, I notice it too when people say “please” and “thank you,” and I sure notice when they don’t. I believe that politeness is one of the essential lubricants of society. It’s just so important that we see other people as real as much as possible. And as Duncan says, why not do that? For me it’s much more fun to share a smile with a stranger and feel that split-second of real contact, of two realities brushing past each other…. to me, it’s a nearly tangible rush, that shared moment of I see you….
Yes, that’s it. A gesture of acknowledgment. And it doesn’t cost much, it’s not like our hair is going to fall off if we acknowledge each other. I wonder why people don’t do it more often.
“To See the Invisible Man” by Robert Silverberg comes to my mind right now. It was a good story that became a memorable episode of the Twilight Zone. To see and be seen.
Kelley, I think you’ll find “Times Square Red, Times Square Blue” interesting. Delany’s essays have taught me a lot, and that book is a good place to start.