Werewolf glee!

Okay, okay, so I’m 13 in Tampa in the spring of 1974. It’s a hard time in a dozen different ways, and I am often escaping into solitude, into a book, into hours of music on the radio in the middle of the night when I cannot sleep. And there’s this song that I just fucking fall in love with. In. Love. Why? I don’t know. It was a story about a boy whose brother was a werewolf until their daddy got down the shotgun one night… So maybe it was just my SF-storytelling self beginning to come to the fore.

And the song went out of rotation, as they do. And I went off to boarding school and discovered vinyl. Traffic, Steppenwolf, Aerosmith, Blue Oyster Cult. And the Boston radio station I listened to intermittently was much more hip and urban than my little Tampa station, and they never played my werewolf song.

I thought about the song again about 20 years ago or so. I called a local oldies station and described it to the DJ (a song about a werewolf, I said somewhat helplessly, not being able to remember the band or the title). The DJ was polite but skeptical. And I’ve never met anyone since who, upon hearing the story, lit up and said Oh, sure, I remember that song!

Well, here it is.

Canada’s own Five Man Electrical Band with “Werewolf.” I listened to it just a few minutes ago for the first time since 1974. Isn’t the internet cool?!

And I’m pretty sure I can peg now what appealed to my young self so much. It’s actually a pretty complex mix: there’s the almost-sexual intimacy of the narrator’s voice, and the way it moves in and out of the gender-neutral zone; there’s the story itself, simple on the surface but all about family dynamics, about being different, about desires that must not be acted on. And then there’s this moment:

Then we heard a shot
And I said Papa got him.
Then we heard a scream…
And Mama smiled and said
Bet you Billy got him.

Seriously, is that a moment, or what?

Glee glee glee glee glee. Makes me want to run out and tell a story or something.

I want to see a bunny too

Opus by Berkeley Breathed, 10 August 2008

Click on the image to see it full size.

This cartoon makes me nostalgic for the kind of summer I never really had. I had great times as a kid, but they were urban times (well, as urban as Tampa, Florida got in the 60’s… you may imagine that we weren’t exactly Manhattan South). I didn’t have a tire swing or a lake or a sunny field to ride my bike to. I did have a completely deserted school playground, a series of alleys that wound through some beautiful neighborhoods, a 5-mile stretch of sidewalk that ran beside a bay, although one had to jaywalk (it was jay-running, really, while pushing the bicycle) across a heart-pounding four lanes of fast traffic to reach it. I had movie theatres six miles away. I had a peculiar little stone tower on a nearby street corner — I think it used to be a planter, or something — just big enough to crawl up into and sit and read a book.

And I went to summer camp for several years. Day camp, not sleepaway camp. One of my parents would pack my lunch and my bathing suit in a paper bag and drive me every morning to the pick-up point, where dozens of kids would pile onto buses and off we’d go to the camp — a human-made lake, arts and crafts buildings, stables, a cafeteria, a fire pit, all surrounded by hundreds of acres of Florida scrubland. That meant southern live oaks shoulder-to-shoulder with royal palms, spanish moss, lots of dirt, sawgrass, blue jays and mockingbirds, buzzards, mosquitos, snakes, and the possibility of alligators.

Did I like it? Sometimes. I liked finally getting brave enough to run off the high dock over the lake, grab the rope attached to one of the oak trees, swiiiiing out and drop into deep water. I liked sitting around a campfire singing the “Once there were three fishermen” song because we all got shriek DAMN!! at the top of our lungs, which pleased our eight-year-old conventional selves mightily and never got old. The horses terrified me, and so did most of the other kids. But I always liked lunch.

I still miss the live oaks dripping with spanish moss under the biggest hot blue sky I’ve ever known, but Florida was never my land. It wasn’t until I got to New Hampshire that I discovered the real pleasure possible in wandering around outside with no particular destination. But in the summer, I always went home.

I live a busy life. I have a mind always full of ideas and internal conversation and lists of things to do, a noisy mind. But you know, one summer day before I die, I hope someone drags me out of the house still shrieking about all the things I have to do, and takes me to a tire swing and a lake and a grassy field and maybe for a hamburger and an ice cream cone. And there will be no talk of obligations. We will only talk about bunnies.

And a poet for Sunday

To follow on from Saturday’s poetry, here’s a poet for Sunday.

Kay Ryan is the new poet laureate of the United States. I’ve read some of her work, and I think I like it best when I hear her read it; poems, like play scripts and song lyrics, are sometimes impenetrable to me on the page. I think they are less like fiction and more like music for me, that I rely on the human engine behind them to build the bridge between us.

I like Ryan for poet laureate. She’s plain-spoken and real. She makes poetry that teases out complicated human truths from simple things. She writes about the beauty of the natural world and that’s something I think we need right now. Her poems are often very compact, with just a few syllables on each line so that it looks like the poem is sliding down the page… about which Ryan says:

I like it because it is the most dangerous shape. If your line is about three words long, nearly every word is on one edge or the other. You can’t hide anything. Any crap is going to show.
 
— Kay Ryan, talking about writing her poetry

That quote is part of this article on Ryan’s personal history and career, and here’s an extensive analysis of her poetry.

I’ve been writing this post about poetry while drinking a cup of tea and listening to Nine Inch Nails, which seems somehow exactly right. The brain likes to play… I hope your day brings you some similar small pleasures.

Two poems for a Saturday

My favorite poem is probably T.S. Eliot’s “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.” But it’s much too long for a Saturday morning… and I woke in the middle of the night with these two poems whispering Choose me, choose me in my ears.

Happy Saturday.

Do Not Be Ashamed
by Wendell Berry

You will be walking some night
in the comfortable dark of your yard
and suddenly a great light will shine
round about you, and behind you
will be a wall you never saw before.
It will be clear to you suddenly
that you were about to escape,
and that you are guilty: you misread
the complex instructions, you are not
a member, you lost your card
or never had one. And you will know
that they have been there all along,
their eyes on your letters and books,
their hands in your pockets,
their ears wired to your bed.
Though you have done nothing shameful,
they will want you to be ashamed.
They will want you to kneel and weep
and say you should have been like them.
And once you say you are ashamed,
reading the page they hold out to you,
then such light as you have made
in your history will leave you.
They will no longer need to pursue you.
You will pursue them, begging forgiveness.
They will not forgive you.
There is no power against them.
It is only candor that is aloof from them,
only an inward clarity, unashamed,
that they cannot reach. Be ready.
When their light has picked you out
and their questions are asked, say to them:
“I am not ashamed.” A sure horizon
will come around you. The heron will begin
his evening flight from the hilltop.


Lost
by David Wagoner

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

Crazy talk about writing

A couple of weeks ago I was ranting about the economics of traditional publishing. I mentioned a new day coming in which at least one major publisher is playing with a new model. And now along comes a writer named Seth Harwood whose path to publishing is much more 21st-century (You can hear a podcast or read a transcription of the interview at this link, it’s all on the same page at Booksquare).

I don’t know anything about Harwood or his work. What interests me about his experience to date is how much of a direct challenge it is to the traditional publishing model, and to cultural notions of what constitutes “success.” Harwood starts in one of the “right” literary places — the Iowa Writer’s Workshop — and ends up serializing novels in podcasts, novels that aren’t “finished” enough for the agents he sends them to, but that people out there hungry for story sure seem to enjoy well enough. And hey, now that there’s an audience, there’s also interest from a Real Live Publisher. Harwood’s book will be out next summer.

And was that the goal all along? Is the wacky interweb only a more circuitous path to the hallowed temple of traditional publishing? Of course it’ll work that way for some people, for some books. And the trade publishers will get all excited and make corporate decisions to circle the wagons around the rabbit hole of the internet, waiting for something interesting to pop out… and perhaps the publishers will be thinking, okey dokey, here’s the new model — instead of getting stuff from agents, we’ll get it from these here rabbit holes.

But somehow I don’t think it’s going to be that simple.

There are many lessons for new writers and established writers in Seth Harwood’s experience. One is the lesson that audience comes before money. If Harwood had been waiting to “make money” from an advance before he shared his work with people, he’d still be waiting, and you certainly wouldn’t be hearing about him from me today.

One mistake that many new writers make is to assume that the publisher takes care of finding the audience for one’s book. After all, isn’t that what publicity is for? Well, it’s a sweet thought, but no. Publicity for most books is an automated process: a copy of the book and press release is mailed to a well-established list of reviewers with a hopefully nice cover letter from a publicist (although I have seen some letters that would make you just want to put a fork in your eye if it were your book they were supposedly “promoting”). And that’s it. No follow-up, no tours, no radio, no Oprah, no ads. And even if one does get those perks, it’s no guarantee that these things will create audience the way they once used to. Oprah, yes — anything else, it’s a roll of the dice. But writers have been taught to expect that these things will work. And when they don’t, the publishers suddenly offer less of an advance for the next book because the sell-through was low, and the writer scrambles to write the book faster because that’s another way to “get” that audience…. and here we go down the Death Spiral of the Midlist Writer.

Good luck finding an audience through publicity. People don’t want to hear some spin about your book. They want to know going in what to expect. That means a trustworthy recommendation (which could be a friend or a critic or 30 five-star reviews at amazon), or the ability to judge for themselves before they put their money down. And that means putting the work out there for them to find. Free fiction. Let them find work they like, and hope they like it well enough to begin supporting your ability to do more. That’s how it’s beginning to work in music these days, and I suspect fiction in particular is not far behind (I don’t know about nonfiction, I think that might be a whole different beastie… we’ll see.)

But as radical as the idea of separating writing and money — that writing is a path to an audience, and that maybe the audience is the path to the money — even more radical is the idea of fiction as work in progress. Harwood gets a chunk of the novel out there on podcast, gets some feedback, realizes he might want to make some changes… or he puts it out there knowing that the changes must be made, but wanting to keep to his schedule because he’s got an audience waiting. So he’ll come back and make those revisions later.

That borders on stark raving crazy talk for a lot of writers. Putting something out there before it’s finished, letting people comment on it, letting those comments maybe, I dunno, influence the work? Many will tell you that Real Writers don’t do that, that’s for screenwriters, poor bastards, who have no choice but to write to the demands of others. (And yes, there’s a whole post about screenwriting coming up one of these days, I swear).

But what if the definition of Real Writer is changing? What if it’s expanding to include the possibility that maybe an audience will bring you a big advance a lot sooner than a big advance will bring you an audience? Or that maybe there is no big advance, there’s only big audience and the small amounts of money they’re willing to pay individually to download your work or contribute to the PayPal tip jar on your website? What if some writers develop a here you go, what do you think, should I work on this idea? relationship with their readers, so there’s some kind of push-pull between the artist and audience?

I don’t know what will happen. I don’t even entirely know how I feel about the possibilities. But I do feel change, like a cool wind in late August that smells for an instant like burning leaves and makes you realize that autumn is coming.

When they were boys

I’ve been listening to early U2 — the band’s first three albums have been remastered and re-released with B-sides and rarities, and it’s fun fun fun for a stone fan like me.

If you’ve listened to my Reality Break interview, you know I love any chance to witness art being made, to be a part of the moment when a human being makes that kind of meaning out of their heart and head and body, right in front of me. Almost as good is having a window into the artist’s response to their own work — it’s a different kind of jazz, the chance to watch the artist’s mind consider a part of themselves at some distance.

Here’s one of those chances: RollingStone.com posted a review of the re-issues, and Bono wandered over from whatever corner of the internet he’s currently in, and posted his own long and conversational response to the band’s first album, Boy.

Even if you’re not a stone U2 fan, perhaps you will enjoy watching the adult artist consider the boys who made Boy. For me there is something powerfully compelling about this fond and amused and in some ways ruthless assessment of one’s own work.

And then there’s this:

For us music was a sacrament …an even more demanding and sometimes more demeaning thing than music as ART, we wanted to make a music to take you in and out of your body, out of your comfort zone, out of your self, as well as your bedroom, a music that finds you looking under your bed for God to protect your innocence…
 
— Bono on RollingStone.com

This is why I love these guys whom I call my Irish brothers. Because in this way, we want the same things.

So here’s a song — “Tomorrow,” actually from October, the second album, but this is the song that’s taking me to the river today, the sacramental ecstatic song. Enjoy.

U2, “Tomorrow” from October, 1981

When you you are jadeando

Most spam comments are pretty straightforward (sex sex sex sex nasty sex sex!). But every once in a while they get strangely creative. So today’s medal of honor for spam comment wackness goes to:

When I have left the fine girl on heart it was very bad, even would visit thoughts on that what to leave in other world, did not know, that to me to do further without it. But I was helped by the Internet, I long wandered on it and on eyes one site which has cheered at once me up and all has got to me as that by itself has seen reason, can and still to someone will help [Kelley’s note: followed here by the url of a porn website… ]
 
— a spam comment recently left in my comment queue

Is it just me, or is this oddly… hypnotic? Do you glimpse, as I do, some mad story peering through the cracks in that tangled string of words? Or is it just that had I too much wine last night and not enough tea so far this morning? Hmm, that might be it…

Perhaps it is because I am a storyteller that I insist on trying to find meaning in, well, everything, even some jumbled babel fish words. Of course automated translations are pretty unsuccessful — translation and interpretation are not simple word-for-word exchanges, that’s not how language works.

I remember being absolutely gobsmacked as a child to learn that some languages didn’t have words for things we have words for in English. I had always assumed that languages all had the same number and type of words in them, but that those Other People’s words were funny-sounding and spelled weird. My native language was so engrained into me at the molecular level that I literally couldn’t understand that other languages were differently structured, used different grammar, defined the world in fundamentally different ways.

The day I finally, really got it, it felt like the top of my head turned inside out. I felt that again thirty years later, learning American Sign Language with its spatial grammar and ability to particularize classifiers to meet a variety of needs, rather than having “a sign for every English word.” We drove our teachers nuts the first year or so asking What’s the sign for crimson? What’s the sign for trapeze? What’s the sign for mansion? while the patient look glazed over their faces and they tried once again to make us understand that it’s not like English.

Language is not a vehicle. It’s not like driving on the left versus driving on the right, where the whole experience is really weird but underneath it all the cars all work the same way. It’s not like a currency exchange, where you give dollars and get back lira… we should never assume that there’s equivalency in our different languages, that everyone has some word that means the exact same thing to them that our word means to us. Language is… so much more. How fascinating to see human experience through the lenses of different languages and therefore different meanings, different shadings, different worlds…

Fortunately, Babel Fish is not the only option these days. I use a site I really enjoy, WordReference.com, which I like because it’s a dictionary site, not a translation site. But translations are available — it’s just that you have to dip into the forums and interact with a human being to get them. And WordReference keeps a database of phrases, etc. so that you can see how the word you’ve looked up is actually used, and you can see equivalencies rather than literal translations. It’s a wonderful window into how languages actually work, the apples and oranges of it all.

I used Babel Fish to translate one of my favorite paragraphs of “Dangerous Space” into Spanish, and then back into English.

But the night. Music. The pulls of the house with people; the air is heavy with its anticipation, its alcohol and the musk, the human atmospheric disturbances of its conversations that hit. When the technology of the guitar warms up, when fixed mics, people watches to us with a directness that it never would demonstrate in the street, as if she could raise in our lives if she watches fixedly only hardly enough. We are foreplay; we walk the stage like the models of the channel, horses of races, arrogant and kind expert and, and slightly rubbed its anticipation with each movement that we do. And when you are ready, when you you are jadeando for him, the bandage comes to you with the hands of music and it touches with heat and hope and joy to him, with all they know of being human, and is so great you cannot contain it everything: sing you it and again dance and shout them. And then they give more him. Forwards and backwards, forwards and backwards. Ecstasy.
 
— Babel Fish translation of “Dangerous Space”, English to Spanish to English

It has its own mad beauty in places, no? But it’s not the same. All props to the literary translators of the world, the human beings who with their skills make stories into something more than converted words, who translate meaning in meaningful ways. And to the interpreters who build bridges between us by finding ways to make meaning clear when it seems sometimes that our languages are no more than mud between us, something sticky that we cannot see through to find each other.

2007 Nicola interview

Word just in that KUOW (a Seattle NPR affiliate station) will re-broadcast Nicola’s 2007 interview about self-defense and Always. The interview airs as part of the Sound Focus program on Tuesday 5 August, 2 PM – 3 PM Pacific Time.

You can listen live online or (I believe) download a podcast after the show.

It’s a good interview (well, I would say that, wouldn’t I? But it’s true!)