Thousands of people have already ready Nicola’s post about Janice Langbehn, who was denied access to her dying partner by Miami hospital personnel who refused — refused — to acknowledge the legality of her durable power of attorney for healthcare and living will. A woman died alone while her partner and children pleaded to see her.
Nicola’s post — which you should read, please, if you have not — is titled “trembling with rage.” Me too.
In 2001, a friend who was supposed to be enjoying a nice dinner at our house ended up driving us to the emergency room instead, where I was hustled into the back with what turned out to be acute appendicitis. Our friend (*hugs Liz through the internet*) went back to our house, found our power of attorney and brought it back for Nicola.
No one gave us any trouble. No one looked at the legal documents that cost us thousands of dollars (that if you are married you pay nothing for because you don’t need them) and said, I don’t care if you have a lawyer, you’re not a real human being as far as I’m concerned and I’m not going to treat you like one, so you just sit out here and suffer and maybe we’ll get around to paying attention to the thing in the back at some point.
None of that. They just nodded and let her come in and hold my hand until the surgery, and then they brought her into the recovery room when I woke up. Just like you would for anyone.
But that’s Seattle. What if we’d been in Miami? Or Houston? Or Baton Rouge? And what happens if Washington voters decide in the next few weeks that what happened in Miami is okay here too? What happens if they decide that we aren’t real human beings as far as they are concerned?
You want to know what happens? Ask Janice Langbehn. You can’t ask Lisa Pond because she died alone in a strange hospital without a chance to say goodbye.
When people don’t have equal protection under the law, they suffer. They lose their families, their jobs, insurance, their pension, their homes, their access, the right to control the important moments and decisions of their own lives. If you think that’s okay, then you are saying that it’s okay to be hateful, and that your rules about what’s Good in the world are more important than real human suffering. Just so you know, that makes you an asshole in my book. But this is a democracy whether I like it sometimes or not, and every asshole gets a vote. You must vote.
Although I sincerely hope you will vote to Approve Referendum 71. Because you have the chance to save lives, save families, mitigate heartbreak, and just maybe make sure that someday I don’t die alone, wondering why my beloved Nicola isn’t there.
Now we all see what happens,again, when there is no equal protection of law, but only the application of a few peoples’ individual “morality” to a family in a desparate situation. I pride myself on being articulate and persuasive, but I have a big lump in my throat, part rage and part grief.
I’m continually amazed by the capacity of religions to be hateful & divisive (I have never seen an argument against equality that did not come down to religion in the end–or at least an interpretation purported to be based on religion).
If I were a Washington resident, I would vote for this referendum. If it comes up in my state, I will wholly support it.
Thank you all. And whether you’re in Washington or not, you can support it by blogging about it, tweeting it, and emailing friends. Outrage works. Human stories work. When we spread them far enough, eventually they change the way that humans treat each other.
I’d come there and add another vote for you. I vote all the damn time and most of the time the other than what I voted for wins. But I still vote anyway because I can and someday it just might make a difference.
I never want to hear that you or Nicola were denied anything while hospitalized or had a member of either of your family tell you you have no right to be there with each other because you’re both female. I do not want to hear that ever happening! I don’t mean that you shouldn’t tell me but rather that I hope that never happens.
Vanessa Redgrave made a wonderful piece on this very subject in If These Walls Could Talk 2.
This stuff just breaks my heart, I am not in a relationship but if I were denied access to my loved one I know I would do everything I could to get in there. Or if someone in my loved ones family says I have no rights where my loved is concerned. Get out of my way! I would be so ready with all the documents and whatever legal means necessary to get in to get past them.
Having to deal with this is always on the horizon so changing the way this is dealt with is the most important thing to focus on.
The horror stories and the good stories all happen because of who is the trauma charge or triage nurse or whoever you have to go through to get what’s needed and be treated right.
It’s unbelievable to me that people get themselves into those jobs and
carry on as though this is their territory with their rules based in prejudice and hate.
You never know who is who until the penny drops. It blows my mind that people can be in the business of nursing or doctoring and act such hatred wearing those uniforms calling themselves nurses and doctors.
As an indivdual I’ve been pretty lucky to get caring people in emergency trauma situations and I want to believe that those people are acting out of a sense of what’s right and good. I can’t begin to know what is in the hearts and minds of people who deny care and sharing with a partner in such circumstances. Hate is the ugliest thing in existence especially hate without basis, hate just for hate sake.
When I hear of such hapenings I can’t help but think of people like Matthew Shepard and the many others who never made the news or headlines or had anyone make a movie about them who have been treated so cruely because the perpetrators are mean and evil people who care nothing for life masquerading as care givers.
But the worst for me are the ones who go along in their lives and let the evil come into their homes and convince them they should take steps to hate a population that has never done anything to them at all. The passive Joe and Jane everyday people who don’t get it that what they are voting for and dealing out with these insidious laws is mean.
Jo donated since we can’t vote there.