I have said before that I think Carolyn Hax is made of awesome sauce, and, well, here I am to say it again with two recent columns that made me talk back to my computer screen (You go, Carolyn!)
The first column starts out being about elevator rudeness, but read the entire column (which is an ongoing conversation). Really, we’re talking about what tolerance means, and how assumptions and judgments hurt people. I’ve had plenty of personal experience of this, and so has Nicola, and you know what? All you people who have ever rolled your eyes at her because she doesn’t look sick enough to meet your standards can just fuck off.
I don’t know why people feel entitled to get up in the face of strangers who are making non-hurtful-to-anyone-else choices about how to spend their time and energy. I think it must be a spirit-bruising way to live. I can put on my Judge Judy pajamas with the best of them, but I am trying harder to save it for times when people are hurting each other, not just themselves.
Robert Heinlein said, “Hurting yourself isn’t sinful, just stupid.” I don’t like the word “stupid” — it means something particular to me and I hesitate to apply it across the board this way. Because we’ve all made choices that hurt ourselves. And sometimes it really is stupid, and sometimes it’s just… I don’t know. Sometimes it’s just learning. Which seems to me to be the opposite of stupid.
But deciding whether other people have a “right” to take the elevator or not is stupid.
Here’s my other helping of Hax for you today: why do people protect their bitterness? I’ve got bitter slippers in my closet just like everyone else (they like to snuggle up to those Judy Judy pajamas…) but mostly, I prefer to wear the Cloak of Everyday Happiness and drink champagne and appreciate kindness when I find it in the world.
It’s raining in Seattle. Nicola and I went to the park anyway. We got very wet. Because of the rain, Nicola wore her hat again. People walking by in the park tend to either avert their eyes when they see her in this hat, or smile tenderly (seriously — tenderly), and we finally figured out it’s because they think she’s a chemotherapy patient. At least they don’t roll their eyes.
Enjoy your day.