Here are some of the keyword searches that brought people to my site in February and March:
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selfpity poems
Yikes, I hope you didn’t find any here.
I understand self-pity. There are times when I feel enormously sorry for myself in that particular I feel baaaad and it’s not fair way, and fall fall fall into the deep well of despond. I hate that place. If I have to go there, the last thing in the world I want to do is write about it, you know? Because it’s depressing. Because self-pity is ultimately passive. And one of the Great Rules of character is that passive characters are boring. So feel it when you must, but don’t ever write what you know in that particular way. Books are about feelings; just not necessarily yours (that’s memoir, and trust me, even there if you write about your own self-pity it’s just as boring as if you write about a fictional character’s).
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actors armpits
Shakes head at the heretofore unexpected corners of the human spectrum which the internet reveals.
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crazy is the answer
Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s crazy-ecstatic-hang-on-to-your-hat. Sometimes it’s crazy-scary-why-is-the-world-so-hard. Sometimes it’s crazy-put-down-the-knife. It disturbs me to have this phrase come up in the keyword search because crazy is the answer to so much right now. The world is going crazy and taking some of us with it in small ways, in big ways, in bright-eyed crazy ways.
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hollywood hung list
OMG, do you think there really is such a thing? An actual list? Do researchers with hidden cameras lurk in Hollywood’s Finest Bathrooms waiting for celebrities to wander in for a pee? Or maybe they have one of those laser measuring devices hidden in a watch, although I’m guessing that most guys would notice a red dot appearing in a sensitive place…. I imagine that if you are a Famous Actor, you get just a leetle tired of the constant sideways comparative glances and would probably draw the line at holding still while someone whips out the ruler. Wow, being famous sure is different.
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barbara kicks his ass 3
Doesn’t this sound like the Coolest Sequel You’d Ever Want to See? I’ve been enjoying myself trying to imagine the original Barbara Kicks His Ass. Maybe in the original, Barbara is a teenager learning to defend herself from sexism in school as well as creepy grabby sexual advances. Maybe the English teacher is her arch-nemesis, and his son is the varsity quarterback with a lech for Barbara, and in the stunning climax she kicks both their asses. Then in BKHA2, we follow Barbara to college or perhaps into her first grownup job…. then BKHA3 could be Barbara in her 40’s or 50’s, righting some community wrong. And so on into her 90’s, when she dies on a cliff overlooking the beach at sunset, just having delivered the biggest ass-kicking of her long and illustrious career, surrounded by dozens of people who love her. Now that’s a franchise.
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can gender be resisted?
Of course. The trick is to know exactly what concepts or expressions of gender you are resisting, and why.
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can you make a living off screenwriting
I love a dreamer.
Meaning no disrespect: I am one too.
Based on my learning and experience so far, screenwriting, like novel writing, is a passion for many and a sustainable source of income for few. The money for beginners isn’t generally that great, but getting a script optioned or getting a shot at a rewrite is like wedging your foot in a heavy door: it’s a great opportunity, but wow, do you have to grit your teeth, hang in there, and smile through the pain. I know at least a couple of writers who wrote seven or eight screenplays before they ever got one optioned, and sometimes even more before they saw anything of theirs on screen.
Can you make a living? Sure. If you are decent on the page, good in the room, professional in all your conduct, have some luck, turn your work around fast and clean, are always ready to listen, always ready to learn, and always ready to see your work changed by other people.
Or at least that’s my theory. We’ll see how it works out.
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cultural assumptions in snow white
I do get tired of the do-my-homework questions, but at least this one’s new and interesting. SW is so full of class, gender and culture assumptions I’m amazed there’s room for any kind of story at all. Nobility will out. Innocence will triumph over evil. Women compete with each other for men’s attention. Men rescue women; women depend on men to save them, or to just not kill them (if the Woodsman had been having a grumpy day, SW’s story would have been a lot shorter…). And so on. I’ll stop there, lest I become grumpy too.
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don’t work for asshole
Well, you know I agree with that.
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good pick for champagne
Krug. Thierry Triolet. And if you want to vamp up a not-that-great champagne, you can turn it into a James Bond (a champagne cocktail with vodka):
- 1 cube sugar (brown or white, I like brown)
- Bitters
- Champagne
- Vodka
Put 2-3 drops of bitters on the sugar cube. Put the sugar cube in the bottom of the glass. Carefully add champagne until the glass is approx 2/3 full. Add 1/2 shot of vodka. Drink and enjoy.
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how to get my wife to like latex clothes
I remember in my late 20’s working with a woman who wondered constantly “how she could get her boyfriend to marry her.” I shook my head then, I’m shaking it now. Dude, if she’s not that into the latex, then ask her to wear it as a present to you for special occasions. But don’t think you’ll ever “get” her to like them. Either she will someday, or she will never. Either way, it’s not up to you.
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things we do for those we love
Sometimes we wear the latex.
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i see the words in my head
Me too.
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And this session’s WTF Award goes to:
gumphies.
I have no idea what it means. But if it’s good, I hope you find it.