being human – Page 4 – Kelley Eskridge

So much for deadlines!

Deadlines? A thing of the past. Unless you are packing for the Rapture, in which case you had best get your skates on. Because apparently the Rapture is coming this Saturday!

Potential offense warning to readers: I support your right to worship any way you choose, but this is my little corner of the internet and I think the Rapture is a deeply silly concept.

For those of you who are still here: do go read the article and give a psychic hug through the ether to the Seattle Atheists who are collecting Rapture Relief Funds for those of us who will be left behind in the “horror and chaos” that will precede the official End of the World (on October 21). And look what they are going to do with the funds if the Rapture doesn’t happen…. is that the Best Idea Evah or what?

Sometimes I just love people.

Enjoy your day.

Another one of those great videos…

I’ve posted these before — the fantastic public-space songfests that T-Mobile sponsors around the world (and yep, they deserve that plug from me, I’ve had a lot of pleasure from these videos). Here’s the latest, from Heathrow airport. The really cool thing is realizing that no instruments are used: humans are the orchestra as well as the voice.

And, if you want a peek behind the curtain, here’s a lovely “Making Of” video that makes me feel even better about people and the things we do for each other sometimes…

Enjoy your day.

The creative tango

In September, Slate Magazine ran a fascinating series of articles by Joshua Wolf Shenk examining the dynamics of creative relationships. I’ve been reading them over and over: they speak to me very deeply of my own experience with both Nicola and my screenwriting work. I have been having conversations in my head with Shenk and planning blog posts, but you know, I keep finding more internal paths to follow, more thinking to do, and so this is a long way of telling you I got nothin’ (big smile to everyone on the internet).

Or perhaps it’s better to say that I’ve got so much, so deep, that I am not sure what to share or where to start. There’s something in these ideas that feels so essential to me, so defining…. I have been, at times, one of the most solitary people I know. I value my singularity, my individuality, my autonomy, the particularity of my vision, all that precious me me me stuff that artists get to acknowledge publicly to an extent that other people aren’t always allowed. But I know that my writing — my core identity — would not be what it is without my creative relationships. Me you me you me me me…

If you’re interested, go take a look. Start here, and then follow the links through to Shenk’s analysis of the Lennon/McCartney relationship (both parts). Let me know what you think.

And enjoy your day. In spite of rain and the vagaries of life, I’m enjoying mine.

What would you do?

This made me cry today.

The context is that ABC Primetime set up an experiment in how Americans are responding to prejudice. Do watch it all the way through; there are some amazing moments.

(click though here if the embedded link doesn’t work; YouTube’s being unpredictable).

Of all my many fears, one of the greatest is that my courage will fail me when I need it, or when someone else does.

In defense of raccoons

Hi!

I respectfully disagree with the posts here about the raccoons. They can be nice and sweet and they are obviously cute. The lady in Florida who was attacked by a family of raccoons “attacked” first… She went outside with a broom and started to hit them, I think any animal, specially one with babies with them would have done the same, just to protect themselves.

I have been feeding a small female in my backyard. She is the sweetest thing, 4 nights ago she brought 3 babies for me to meet, the cutest thing. She lets me get near her, she has never showed any aggression.

Respectful disagreement is never a problem here. Thanks for taking the time to write.

There is a reason the Park Service says Don’t feed the bears. But I sincerely hope it all works out for you, and am glad you are enjoying it.

The view from here

Happy new year. I for one am deeply relieved to see the back of 2009, and am feeling many good things about 2010 — excited, determined, engaged, and something that’s about… hmm, about being lined up inside. About moving towards myself instead of away.

Personal perspective is a good thing. But sometimes I like to get a little bit outside myself. And so here’s a look at life from a place that’s a little bigger than me. Or maybe it’s not: maybe being human is the possibility of being as vast and beautiful inside ourselves as the infinite space where we live.

Enjoy your day, your month, your year, and thanks for being here.

When you don’t vote, people die alone

Thousands of people have already ready Nicola’s post about Janice Langbehn, who was denied access to her dying partner by Miami hospital personnel who refused — refused — to acknowledge the legality of her durable power of attorney for healthcare and living will. A woman died alone while her partner and children pleaded to see her.

Nicola’s post — which you should read, please, if you have not — is titled “trembling with rage.” Me too.

In 2001, a friend who was supposed to be enjoying a nice dinner at our house ended up driving us to the emergency room instead, where I was hustled into the back with what turned out to be acute appendicitis. Our friend (*hugs Liz through the internet*) went back to our house, found our power of attorney and brought it back for Nicola.

No one gave us any trouble. No one looked at the legal documents that cost us thousands of dollars (that if you are married you pay nothing for because you don’t need them) and said, I don’t care if you have a lawyer, you’re not a real human being as far as I’m concerned and I’m not going to treat you like one, so you just sit out here and suffer and maybe we’ll get around to paying attention to the thing in the back at some point.

None of that. They just nodded and let her come in and hold my hand until the surgery, and then they brought her into the recovery room when I woke up. Just like you would for anyone.

But that’s Seattle. What if we’d been in Miami? Or Houston? Or Baton Rouge? And what happens if Washington voters decide in the next few weeks that what happened in Miami is okay here too? What happens if they decide that we aren’t real human beings as far as they are concerned?

You want to know what happens? Ask Janice Langbehn. You can’t ask Lisa Pond because she died alone in a strange hospital without a chance to say goodbye.

When people don’t have equal protection under the law, they suffer. They lose their families, their jobs, insurance, their pension, their homes, their access, the right to control the important moments and decisions of their own lives. If you think that’s okay, then you are saying that it’s okay to be hateful, and that your rules about what’s Good in the world are more important than real human suffering. Just so you know, that makes you an asshole in my book. But this is a democracy whether I like it sometimes or not, and every asshole gets a vote. You must vote.

Although I sincerely hope you will vote to Approve Referendum 71. Because you have the chance to save lives, save families, mitigate heartbreak, and just maybe make sure that someday I don’t die alone, wondering why my beloved Nicola isn’t there.

A moment to contemplate heaven

Imagine these churches right across the street from each other.

And watch the conversation unfold…
(Thanks to K for sending this my way!)

If there is a heaven, it should definitely include rocks and dogs and all the rest of us.

This religious war of the words isn’t real — it’s the creation of someone’s fertile imagination and the judicious use of the church sign maker. Anyone can do it. You can do it…

Sometimes I just love people and the things we can do.

Enjoy your day.

I don’t get to talk about spoons

I don’t get to talk about spoons.

If you’re thinking Huh?, let me point you to The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino.

My partner has MS. She’s a member of the disability community. I’m not. She gets to talk about spoons. I don’t.

What this means in the simplest words I can find is: being a disabled-bodied person is a different experience from being an able-bodied person, regardless of other factors of race and class and so on. It’s different. Being a person of color in this culture is a different experience from being a white person, regardless of other factors of class and gender and so on. It’s different.

If you don’t share an experience of difference — the kind of difference that hampers your access to physical space, cultural privilege, opportunities, social respect, or being seen as fully human in the eyes of the people around you — please don’t turn around and make that experience about you so you can then participate in it.

I don’t want to hear about your personal “color-blindness” or your paean to how brave the crippled people are because they have so much more to deal with. Nor am I concerned today with whether someone else’s difference counts as much as yours. Difference is, people: can we just acknowledge it and deal with it? And part of dealing means that sometimes you just stand back and give people space to be, to speak about what’s different for them, and to understand that you don’t necessarily get to be different that way too. You can do this even if you don’t think their difference is important, or you don’t understand why it’s important to them, or you don’t see the problem, or whatever. You can, if you choose, simply acknowledge that it’s outside your experience, rather than going on at length about how hard your own stuff is. It does not diminish you if the occasional conversation is not all about you. There is a great vast amount of the world that is not about you, and sometimes people want to talk about it.

So stop making it about you and start listening to how it is for the people who are Not You. Take their word for their experience. And understand that sometimes they just don’t give a shit whether you have suffered too. And today neither do I. I don’t care whether you think it’s fair that the disabled community wants to own the idea of spoons, the same way I don’t care whether you think it’s fair that some people have spaces where white folks don’t get to speak their mind about the challenges of whiteness. I just don’t care right now.

And I’m not here to fight about it. It’s a big world and you can find your own space in another part of it, so if you believe differently, please go express it on your own blog. I will turn off comments in a New York second if things get even the slightest bit whiny or trollish. I’m just not in the mood. Is that unfair? Tough.

Another fearless story

There’s been a fair amount of conversation recently on this blog about hope, and why people keep going in the face of hopelessness. Sometimes the universe demonstrates lovely timing: along comes a beautiful new ebook from Fear.less, written by Mawi Asgedom, that is all about hope and perseverance. Asgedom packs a lot into a small (six page) package, and what speaks to me most right now is his talk of courage, resilience and advice on how to persevere.

The moment of courage in a human being’s life is when all the indicators around you tell you that nothing’s going to work out, when you don’t have any evidence whatsoever that makes you feel like you’re going to be happy again. At that specific moment, when you can still step up and do your best, just because you believe that outside your own logic and reason it’s possible in the world, and you’re going to fight for it, that to me is what courage is all about.

— Mawi Asgedom

So many stories revolve around a hero faced with the choice to give up or keep going. Those are powerful stories, and they form the core of some of our most hardline cultural beliefs: that perseverance is all we need to win (if you work hard enough, you can do anything), and that stopping equals failure (a winner never quits and a quitter never wins). We put the emphasis on the results. But Asgedom also puts emphasis on the process: on knowing that when faced with the choice, we did our best.

I’m not here to say that persevering is always the right thing; sometimes stopping is the best choice. Billions of human lives have been lived as a string of such choices. I think Asgedom’s deeper point is that we have a choice, and we get to make it over and over again. It’s a lifetime’s journey. If you make a choice you don’t like, then make a different choice next time. Life doesn’t stop when we choose: it only stops when we don’t.

Download the ebook and share it as you like. Sign up at Fear.less to get more as they are released. And let me know what you think.

Wishing you more joy, more love, more hope, less fear.