Comments on: When people need shoes http://kelleyeskridge.com/when-people-need-shoes/ Mon, 06 Feb 2012 05:54:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Kelley http://kelleyeskridge.com/when-people-need-shoes/comment-page-1/#comment-25607 Kelley Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:16:31 +0000 http://kelleyeskridge.com/?p=4616#comment-25607 It's one of the many weirdnesses of our culture that we get offended if people don't take our advice, as if it were some kind of personal rejection rather than someone making her own choice. It took me ages to understand how controlling I am being when I react this way. And yet sometimes it is so hard not to feel it (even if I have learned not to express it). And it's so true that no one can know all the information that we carry inside of us, not just about the situation itself but about who we are and how that affects our choices and what we see as options. But persuading someone to do something she's not really ready to do is so rarely successful for anyone. "Ready" is such a tricky word... It’s one of the many weirdnesses of our culture that we get offended if people don’t take our advice, as if it were some kind of personal rejection rather than someone making her own choice. It took me ages to understand how controlling I am being when I react this way. And yet sometimes it is so hard not to feel it (even if I have learned not to express it).

And it’s so true that no one can know all the information that we carry inside of us, not just about the situation itself but about who we are and how that affects our choices and what we see as options. But persuading someone to do something she’s not really ready to do is so rarely successful for anyone. “Ready” is such a tricky word…

]]> By: Fran http://kelleyeskridge.com/when-people-need-shoes/comment-page-1/#comment-25553 Fran Mon, 13 Jul 2009 19:15:30 +0000 http://kelleyeskridge.com/?p=4616#comment-25553 Coming from the place of the abused, this is an incredibly important post. People frequently told me what I should do, and from the limited knowledge I gave them, their input made sense. But there's so much that never gets said. And that's the part that really does influence actions and decisions. So thank you for reminding people that listening is important, and help without always understanding why that particular bit of help is important can very well be critical. Coming from the place of the abused, this is an incredibly important post. People frequently told me what I should do, and from the limited knowledge I gave them, their input made sense.

But there’s so much that never gets said. And that’s the part that really does influence actions and decisions.

So thank you for reminding people that listening is important, and help without always understanding why that particular bit of help is important can very well be critical.

]]> By: Sarah http://kelleyeskridge.com/when-people-need-shoes/comment-page-1/#comment-25547 Sarah Mon, 13 Jul 2009 02:30:56 +0000 http://kelleyeskridge.com/?p=4616#comment-25547 Kelley, I'm so moved by this. Thank you. I think I'm going to copy this and send it with the letter I'm writing to my parents in which I'm apologizing for trying to fix them during my last visit rather than just listening to their exasperation about some things (not to do with me). I just jumped right in, telling them how they could be happier. Urgh. :/ I should know better. I love it when friends just listen and don't offer me advice I don't want anyway... I also love it when I'm clear about the options I have and the choices I can make. The story about the request for shoes really touched me. Thanks again, Sarah Kelley, I’m so moved by this. Thank you.

I think I’m going to copy this and send it with the letter I’m writing to my parents in which I’m apologizing for trying to fix them during my last visit rather than just listening to their exasperation about some things (not to do with me). I just jumped right in, telling them how they could be happier. Urgh. :/

I should know better. I love it when friends just listen and don’t offer me advice I don’t want anyway… I also love it when I’m clear about the options I have and the choices I can make. The story about the request for shoes really touched me.

Thanks again,
Sarah

]]> By: Realmcovet http://kelleyeskridge.com/when-people-need-shoes/comment-page-1/#comment-25542 Realmcovet Sun, 12 Jul 2009 23:31:29 +0000 http://kelleyeskridge.com/?p=4616#comment-25542 Amen friend. Amen friend.

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