Month: November 2012

Last year I recounted my journey into the electric territory of HandyWorld, the magical land where MacGyverish folk fix their own stuff with apparent ease. Now I have returned from an expedition into the realm of plumbing.

Our kitchen faucet has been getting fussy for a while. This week, because I was stressed about other things, I decided that the best way to exert control over my universe was to begin taking apart the faucet to find the problem. This turned out to be a bad idea.

Nicola: What are you doing?
Me: I am fixing our fucking faucet.
Nicola: I thought you had a lot of things to get done today.
Me: Mmmmrrrph. Must fix faucet!

Later…

Nicola: Did you fix the faucet?
Me: You can still turn it on and off. With pliers.
Nicola: Mmmmrrrph.
Me: It’s okay. The handyguys are coming tomorrow to fix (insert list of projects here) so I will get them to fix it.

The next day…

Handyguy: Oh, sure, I can fix that. Gee, does this part go here? Huh. It doesn’t fit. LET ME JUST POUND IT WITH THIS HAMMER.
(insert sound of faucet innards cracking apart)
Me: Mmmmrrrph.

After they leave…

Nicola: Shall we get a plumber?
Me: Plumbers are expensive! I am going to replace the fucking faucet myself!
Nicola: …..I’m going into my office now.

She went into her office and closed the door. I went to Lowe’s and bought a faucet. I got out my flashlight and my toolbox and a bucket and a towel. I looked at the clock. I had two hours to replace the faucet before my schedule completely imploded (which, you know, would probably have meant the end of western civilization at least).

I crawled under the sink and went to work.

Me: Hmmm… (furrowed brow)
Me: Ah ha! (raised eyebrow of realization)
Me: Fuck! (wet face of the improper supply line connection)
Me: Mmmmrrrph! (after banging head for third time on same pipe)

And then I turned on the faucet and filled the kettle and made two lovely cups of tea.

Nicola: You are awesome!
Me: (beam).

And I am enjoying my illusion of control, until the next time the universe decides to stop up the toilet or turn out the lights (grin).
 

 

 

 

Enjoy your day. I wish you no leaks and good tea.

Clarion West will hold a one-day workshop in Seattle on Sunday, December 2, on The Business of Writing.

Every writer needs to understand the business, not just the craft. We’re all responsible for our own careers, and today writers have more options than ever before. It’s an exciting, challenging, and potentially confusing landscape. That’s why I’m particularly jazzed that Clarion West can offer this workshop with experts from all sides of the writing/publishing equation. By attending, you get information, insight, and face time with editors, publishers and a writer all at the forefront of the business. Hear about the business from folks who are in it daily; get your questions answered; and come away with the big picture of the possibilities for all of us in the new publishing frontier.

Come join us!

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Workshop description:

This nuts-and-bolts workshop will provide emerging writers useful tips on how to make a living writing popular fiction. Editors and publishers from Amazon Publishing will share a behind-the-scenes perspective on publishing today, and bestselling author Robert Ferrigno will pass on skills and insights coming from his twenty years of professional experience. Topics covered include research techniques, time management, storyboarding and outlining, marketing, and learning from feedback.

Robert Ferrigno has written twelve best-selling thrillers, including The Horse Latitudes and Heartbreaker. His work has been nominated for the Edgar and the Silver Dagger. He thinks good writing, regardless of genre, is clear, resonant, and packs an emotional punch.

Cost is a nonrefundable fee of $140.

Registration is limited to 12 students.